It looks great, the main thing I would add are numbers. Are you trying to raise $10,000 or $500,000. If someone is going to want to help then they are going to want to know specifics. Where are the location[s] that you are planning to build hubs at, what are some of the more specific services you have, etc. You should also add a portion on the document (or a link to another one) about a complete list of what is and isn’t allowed in different states, and then some local laws (this is something that I could help with). I would suggest looking into having the option to have the animals shipped in enclosures. The decorations would be mounted on the enclosure and be made of something easy to clean and they would be cleaned in between each animal but they would provide a larger area for the animal and it would be a possible option to have later on. I would also suggest having different areas that are different temperatures. Maybe you have a certain area that has heat tape that is 87-90* for warmer animals like ball pythons, leopard geckos, etc. However the entire area would be kept cooler so you don’t overheat lower temperature animals like amphibians or crested geckos. Add details that show that you care about the animals and company. Once you get started describe modifications you made on the transport vehicles. Modified suspension, better air filtration, better air conditioning, etc. When you go to name the business be careful about limiting it to only reptiles. There is a huge market of shipping live animals, only a portion of it is reptiles. Don’t forget about the amphibian, tarantula, invert, fish, small mammal, and bird breeders. One of the best ways to advertise this is to share it on different forums. Some people might be on bird and small mammal forums that could share this. I can share it on Arachnoboards (tarantulas and inverts). A lot of people could share it on other reptile forums.
You also mention scanning packages. It would be great to have a website that can predict how long packages take to get through different hubs so people know the likelihood of delays. It would also be extremely useful to be able to recall packages. This would majorly set you apart from anyone else trying to do this. It’s a major problem when an animal gets stuck at a hub and if there is a threat of it getting stuck for days people would like to recall it and not risk their animals health. In the future you should also look at expanding into shipping to Canada. There is a huge market for shipping between these two countries and if you were able to figure out a system to quickly and effectively do this then this would explode in popularity.