While my own experience on this forum has been limited - lurker by nature and all that - I can say that this community has been one of the best that I’ve ever interacted with. I’m sorry that you felt so much dread over simply asking for help and advice, nobody should ever have to feel like that, but I am glad that you did. Because hopefully now some of those thoughts won’t be so loud (or there at all) the next time that you need to reach out.
I know myself and many others would be thrilled to have you here and enjoying the community, geckos or no geckos. As others have said though, give yourself a chance to rest and take things slow. You’re not a bad person for needing to take care of yourself and your other animals. And despite what some people outside this forum might say there’s no reptile membership card to revoke if that should happen, no impossible bar to reach for in order to be a “real keeper”. There’s just you, your animals, and the joy you get from seeing and interacting with them even when they drive you up a wall or make you say “Really? I just cleaned that!”
And if the passion you had for them isn’t there anymore than that’s okay.
I hope you are able to find good homes for the three males! It sounds like you’ve got a good plan started and I truly hope that it helps. Also, if/when you feel up to it, maybe you could show off some pictures of your girls?
You’ve gotten some great advice so far. One thing I want to mention is that I feel a little bit like this with some of my crested geckos. With how often they need fed I feel a little bit overwhelmed since I think I’m over-worrying about them (I had multiple die due to what I believe were bad crickets). I have about 20 babies and adults, which means 20 food and water dishes to take and clean out, enclosures to mist and clean and monitor. The main reason why I’m losing passion with those is because I just don’t enjoy them much. I pretty much never see the babies (always hiding) or they are just sitting on a branch, and while they are cool, I just am not that interested in them.
My solution to this is I’m just not going to breed them anymore, I’m going to take care of the babies I have now, maybe keep a couple of them that I really like, and just avoid having 20 crested geckos in the first place. Someday I might hatch a couple clutches from the female that I’ve enjoyed babies from the most, but I think I might just dispatch, feed, or give away the extra eggs.
Hopefully this helps you with your decision, and know that you’re not alone in feeling this way.
Maintaining passion while dealing with physical or emotional pain isn’t easy. I can’t really say I have the answers for you. I will say that I believe whatever decision you make will be the correct one. How you openly shared what you are experiencing and how it has you feeling takes strength, wisdom, and compassion. I kept and bred geckos myself for almost 20 years. Thanks to a natural disaster I had to euthanize all my surviving reptiles and invertebrates. Four years later my 15 year old dog passed. Not long after that I sustained a shoulder and knee injury that has led to chronic pain and at times placed limits on my mobility and emotional happiness. It took me 11 years to open my home and my heart to pets again. Part of my “preparing to retire” plan. Now that i have 30+ reptiles again, I don’t know what I would do without them. I worry more about where they will be once I’m gone than I do about myself. I just know that I’m happy. That I enjoy what they bring into my life. Even if it does consume a quarter of my income, lol. They provide me with a sense of serenity in a crazy world. I look at them and see beauty and majesty. I’m glad to have that passion in my life again. I hope you find that balance again for your life. I know I’m nobody to your reality but, I believe in you. I trust and respect whatever decision you make. I appreciate you for sharing your experience. Nothin but love.
I had this happen with the crested geckos I had, and I eventually made the decision to sell all of them. Taking care of them felt like more of a chore than it did anything enjoyable, and I was really struggling to give them the proper care they needed.
I found that I’m not too big on lizards in general, but I love my snakes. I never struggle to care for them, though I’ve found it easier to do a little bit of care at a time rather than doing all of it in one day. Considering I have probably 80 snakes by now, it’s a lot to care for but I love doing it!
On the other hand, I do have a single male leopard gecko and I love him, he’s such a character and easy to take care of. Easier than I found the crested geckos to care for — he’ll eat his dubia roaches off of the feeding tongs and so far I haven’t had any issues with stuck shed or humidity. I might have to move him into the reptile room though since the weather is getting colder and humidity getting lower. We have a big humidifier in the reptile room that keeps it at 60% which is where most of my critters need it at!
I’d love to try getting some higher end leopard geckos to breed, and see if maybe leopard geckos are something I’m actually happy working with.
It takes courage and strength to open up and express your feelings in a group that you have never met in person , or even seen the faces of for the most part.
Much respect!
I know you only have the best interests for your animals and it shows.
I wish you all the best and want you to know you are among friends here.
Whatever decisions you make I know will be what is best for you.
Never feel bad about rehoming an animal as long you’r e diligent in vetting a new home.
Something that everyone who’s feeling overwhelmed should consider is, getting a little help. People are often happy to volunteer their help just to get to interact with animals they can’t keep themselves. I found once I hired employees that my passion wasn’t dying, my life had just evolved and my anxiety that I didn’t have time to properly care for everything was overwhelming me.
Now I keep my collection growing and evolving with a small village to support it and the villagers (whether paid or volunteers) get a huge amount of enjoyment out of it. And I keep my house cleaner because people are always coming over
I’m so thankful for you asking this question. In the beginning, I thought I wanted to breed crested geckos. I have a friend who does and I know a couple other people that do.
I got some of my dream morphs, studied and learned all I could about the genetics, set up a future budget for costs, kept an eye on the market(which is insanely saturated anyway), sat back after all this time, money, energy, and thought had been put into this endeavor and I realized “I don’t want to be a breeder.”
I also had a sign from the Universe it wasn’t mean to be because all of my probable females developed pores in the dead of the night.
I realized that for me personally, I love just having them as pets. That’s what brings me the most joy and that’s okay.
My point in saying all of this is that its never wrong for you to do what’s best for you. If keeping just the females and selling the males is what will bring your joy back, then that’s what you need to do.
My heart goes out to you for the decisions you are going to have to make, but I’m happy you are getting better.
I wish I could reply to each of you individually, but that would mean repeating myself quite a bit.
Once again, I really appreciate every single one of you for the taking the time to give advice, and even share your own personal experiences. It means the world to me!
Today I sent my favorite male, the hatchling I raised up and kept, to his new home. I didn’t want him to go first but when I put the ad up this morning (after taking an hour of waffling to hit the “post” button) these people inquired, seemed lovely, and had obviously done their research.
I was anxious, but the looks on their faces when they saw him put me at ease as they were thrilled!
One down, five to go. That’s including the babies. I’ll see how I feel once all the boys are settled into new homes. I’m hoping that by then, I am able to fully enjoy my remaining geckos without downsizing further but I will be keeping an open mind towards that.
Good for you, @nubs! And good for the male you rehomed and his new people as well. It’s a hard thing and a brave thing which you’ve done. I do understand the trepidation and the hesitation. A few years ago I had to pull way back and downsize my breeding operation due to health issues . It was sooooo haaarrrd. Doing it was the right thing, though. After time and healing, I was thankfully able to start growing the collection again. It’s a very mindful process, but it’s both manageable and enjoyable. I hope that you’ll get to a place with your animals after you’ve rehomed the males where you’re enjoying them fully once again.
I have posted on this before but I will repeat it here
The extremely dark side of this hobby/industry/community is the insidious message that is pushed on people that you have to be a breeder to be legitimate.
This is pure and unadulterated bovine excrement!!
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There is nothing for you to feel embarrassed about. Anyone that tells you otherwise can pound sand. Period. End of discussion.
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There is absolutely no shame in being a keeper and not a breeder. I purchased my first “real” snake when I was 14 (not counting all the garters and fence lizards and toads and salamanders I have been catching and keeping since the age of 5). He was my only herp for fifteen years. And once I started picking up more, none of them were animals I picked up for breeding. I had been a keeper for more than two decades before I ever started breeding. My intentional breeding right now is less about making money or five minutes of herp world fame and more about my personal mad scientist tendencies (I have wholesaled or traded at a loss more animals than I have ever sold). More than half of what I keep is for the keeper side of me (and if those species happen to breed I consider it a bonus more than anything because they are all species that are very under-represented in the hobby)
If you have lost the passion, the goal should be to do whatever it takes to get it back. If that means selling off all but your original pet animal and just enjoying him, then that is absolutely what you should do. If it means cutting back to just keeping and not breeding, then that is absolutely what you should do. If it means getting rid of everything and just taking a short- or long-term break from herps, then that is absolutely what you should do.
Whatever you do, do not let anyone make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself first and foremost. No one is living your life, so no one gets to tell you how you should live it.
And no matter what you decide, there are people here in this community, starting with me, that will always be here to support you
Thank you for the long and very supportive reply. You didn’t have to take the time to type it out and post it, but you did! Thank you!
I was supposed to meet someone today to sell one of my higher end babies (a lavender bold stripe mack snow 50% pos het albino) but they ghosted me at the very last minute. On one hand, a relief, because he’s my favorite baby. On the other hand, a bummer because I thought I had one more moved along into what sounded like a great home…and finding ideal homes is hard.
I’m supposed to meet to sell a different baby on Monday so we’ll see if that actually happens.
I felt an urge to finally make those backgrounds for the geckos I end up keeping today after everyone else is gone. And surfed Facebook for used 36x18 Exo terras thinking they could use an upgrade…good signs, I think! Just wish I knew for sure how many I will keep. I don’t like not knowing but I can’t predict how I will feel either, so that’s that.
Just want to keep you all updated as you’ve been so helpful and kind!
You are a member of this community and I saw that you were struggling. Even with everything that had been said, I did need to add my voice because I, personally, am not going to let someone hurt if there is a way I can help.
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Yes, a very good sign!!
And, if I may be a little presumptuous based on just this comment, I have a gut feeling that your loss of passion might be because of a disconnect from seeing the animals as the wee wild beasties they are.
If that is the case then pursuing the “wild” may be just the thing to help you get the excitement back. Go full crazy recreating a small piece of Pakistan to house one of your animals and then sit back and just watch how it behaves. If you doing that brings the zen back then consider building a second. Who knows, maybe in a few years what you will find out is that if you have a dozen or more animals, but each is in a cage that you have fully built out so that when you go into your herp room you are basically taking a mini-safari
Or you may make the first build and find that that was all you needed and so you stop there.
So long as you feel good, there is not wrong answer
You’re doing the right things. The hardest part can be deciding what to do. It’s fine to take those steps one at a time and take a much time as you need before deciding to take another, or not. And we are here, in your corner, because that’s what this community does.
Super cute! Is that the lav bold stripe mack snow?
Honestly I wouldn’t mind keeping leos, but the bugs creep me out. Not so much the mealworms, I can do those just fine and my two mice love to snack on them, but their pupae specifically, and crickets. No thanks! lol
