My caregiver quit over my new snakes

So my caregiver quit because she said she felt uncomfortable with the addition of snakes.

It sucks on the one hand because i won’t have help that i need. On the other hand i was tired of her always calling out or coming late or wanting to go home early. She knew i was getting 2 snakes so looking back that she basically hadn’t worked since before Memorial day, she claimed she was “sick” i now believe she lied then too about being sick i had suspected all along she was lying.

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who lie to me as i maintain a serious code of honor. Being in the military i have always carried myself in a way and i always treat people with respect. I have always treated my caregivers as family, i was always respectful. I would give them time off if they needed ( so long as they made it up later) i would buy lunch or make it, if i went to the salon with them i always treated them to a mani/pedi at Christmas i always gave them a gift.

It sucks not having help i need i was thinking because maybe i already have all my animals cages under my coffee table and tv stand maybe I’ll make a drape or tank skirt around the enclosures so that it hides what is behind. Im tired of people disliking my animals but hate dishonesty even more as i can understand people may feel a certain way about them, they are no threat to anyone.

My caregiver today 1st texted me saying i have to go to the dr. They want me back there then later she texted me to call her, so i did. She was like i really like you and you are really good to me but your reptiles make me feel uncomfortable so i can’t work for you anymore. So now i wont have help for who knows how long. I have gone through this process several times. Its tough to get help or even get them to show up for an interview. The VA only provides me with 9 hrs a week and IHSS gives me like 50 a month. Most caregivers ive had are incredibly lazy and one i fired because she stole from me.

Im not mad just really disappointed.


First, thank you for your service. Thank you also for your ethics.

That’s so hard, I’m so sorry. It does sounds like this caregiver was being dishonest for a time. In some respects you and I seem to have some basic character traits in common. Like you, I absolutely hate dishonesty. Few people enjoy being lied to but I really despise it. Thoroughly.

It’s so unfortunate that you’re going to have to find a new person to help you. I know that the VA tries to help but in our experience they don’t always have the needed personnel. I hope that your local VA folks have the resources to help you find a caregiver. I don’t know if you attend church, but you might try reaching out to some local churches. Pastors usually know who has willing hands in their congregation, and often know of people who want/need employment and are reliable.

Hope that you’ll be able to quickly find an animal-loving, people-loving caregiver who will be great for you. Again, I’m sorry.


Thank you for that and you are welcome. Im trying to move and so maybe it is ok. I was raised with certain beliefs being Catholic and one thing I learned is to always be fair among other things and the military taught me about honor and respect. Im trying to move close to my mammas house where my brothers and sisters can help as needed currently i live too far for them to drive here. I know things will eventually work out ive been so blessed in my life.

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Gotta appreciate that background! I hope that you’re able to make that move soon. There’s nothing else like being near family.

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Aw geez. That’s disappointing. Not to mention a new problem to sort, which is no fun. People can be so weird about the presence of an animal they’re phobic about. I’m no fan of black widows- it’s a childhood history aversion- but that doesn’t mean I have to avoid rooms with them in boxes.


I’m really sorry that happened. :frowning:

I’ll be honest, I really struggle with being sensitive and sympathetic towards people who have that deep of an aversion to certain animals. I try, because I know everyone has their issues (I certainly have plenty of my own, fear of animals just isn’t one of them), and I know it’s not like some sort of deliberate decision they made to hate snakes/spiders/whatever, but…I just don’t get it. I don’t get being afraid of animals in secure enclosures, and I really don’t get being afraid of an animal that poses literally no threat to humans, like your rosies. I also feel like in most cases, that fear is based in ignorance, and if people were just willing to keep an open mind and learn more about them, that fear would go away. I’ve seen that happen, so I have very little patience for people who aren’t even willing to try learning about them and getting past their fear. It’s fine if someone doesn’t want to handle them or keep them as pets themselves, but refusing to even be in the same room with them makes no sense to me. I’m pretty afraid of jellyfish, but I don’t let that stop me from going to the beach, snorkeling or scuba diving, because I rationally know that the odds of me being seriously injured by one are very low, especially if I take certain precautions. I’m not too keen on centipedes, but not to the point where I’ll refuse to garden or visit the home of someone who keeps them as pets.

Though given how dishonest this woman had been with you, who knows if the snakes were even the issue. Maybe that just made a convenient excuse. Who knows. :roll_eyes:

Anyway, I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with this. I hope you’re eventually able to find an honest, compassionate caregiver who can appreciate, or at least tolerate, your amazing animals.


Thank you. I know everything eventually will work out.

I get it, my animals aren’t everyones cup of tea but like none of my animals pose any real threat. My Hots are kept in a secure enclosure that is at least 9 inches to the top. The score and spiders are unable to climb glass and there is nothing for them to climb that is remotely close, they also cannot jump.

I wont say that the sting or bites won’t be a possible medical emergency but my scorpions run and hide the minute i open the top to feed them. They are not aggressive and only 1 of them uses the stinger against my tongs but thats because she is small and i appear like a giant to her and she is threatened.

Most scorpion stings and spider bites are defensive not offensive they usually got smooshed by a person or they got harassed but they are not hunting us.

My snakes are one of the most gentle snakes and they don’t get that big, i could see possibly being hesitant around a large breed snake if it was in the open but most people don’t let thier snakes just hang out especially without supervision.

As you said the snake was just a convenience excuse.


That’s the thing about true phobias. They don’t make sense. They’re not based on logic, and unfortunately they can’t be logically laid to rest. A true phobia is different from fear of the unknown, though fear of the unknown can provide an apparently equally strong reaction.

When I was teaching, I had students who were afraid of the classroom pets, others who were afraid of the laboratory for various reasons. Some were so scared they seemed almost phobic. With time, knowledge, and patience, they overcame those fears. They had varying degrees of success, yet they all improved.

My mom was actually phobic about heights. She would tremble, sweat, hyperventilate. She had to hold onto someone- and I mean with a bruising grip- if we were within 30’ or so of a drop. She said she felt like she wouldn’t be able to stop herself, she’d “just walk right off.” Logic didn’t help.

I don’t know into which camp the departed caregiver falls, but it sounds more like the former. Whatever the case, it’s a darned shame that the situation has happened.


Yeah, you’re right about phobias. By definition, they’re irrational. However, I’m not convinced that most people’s animal-related fears are true phobias. I think more often, those fears and aversions have more to do with ignorance and social conditioning. Snakes, spiders, and various bugs have been vilified in many cultures for centuries, and most people just kind of go along with it without questioning it. I didn’t grow up fearing or hating those types of animals because my parents taught me that they were fascinating animals that served important functions in their ecosystems from an early age. With a little education and exposure, negative views and social conditioning can often change. Heck, even true phobias can be improved or even conquered with exposure and education.


I’m a certified arachnophlle with an arachnophobic child who oddly loves scorpions. His favorite toy when he was three was a plastic scorpion he carried everywhere and was his “dorpy” cuz he couldn’t pronounce “scorpion” - but spiders were a whole different thing! The worst? KATYDIDS! Leafs with legs???!? They scare the living hell out of him!

He was immersed in nature as a kid and was armed with field guides of all kinds spending his days in somewhat pristine ecosystems seeking sightings for his species list mom hadn’t seen before. I’m a former field researcher and he grew up as my assistant and had more experience and education than most doctorates by the age of ten. Stlll? Some critters just truly give him the jeebies. They just do.

i do not doubt the power of fear mongering and persecution campaigns that feed off underlying irrational bases and that irks me to no end - but at least for some animal aversions, I think that’s deep seated albeit with wiggle room to enhance or moderate like so so many traits. [Fairy tales about big bad wolves may have indeed fueled their eradication but methinks that’s cuz they’re competitors and something very different than creepy crawlies: lots of legs or no legs is decisively non-mammaiian to a first approximation. And just as peeps are attracted/empathetic to pedomorphic fuzzy mammals; the reverse applies as well.]


Your son and his “dorpy” sound adorable!

He may end up growing out of some of those fears. There were some things that scared me as a kid that I no longer find scary. Best example I can think of at the moment are potato bugs/Jerusalem crickets. As a kid, they scared the daylights out of me, I thought they looked like some sort of nightmare alien, but now I actually think they’re kinda cute. Perspectives and feelings can change.

You’re also correct that there is likely a degree of primitive “hard-wiring” at play in a lot of animal-related fears. Being suspicious of the unfamiliar and unknown helped keep our early ancestors alive, and many of those instincts remain with us as a species to this day. But education and exposure can help overcome a lot of that.


So wierd update the previous caregiver was like i can’t secure employment can i come back???

The VA and the provider is already working on a replacement and they talked tome on the phone and were lile will you please take her back until we can replace her? Im like yeah, but she shouldn’t have quit without having a job replacement for herself or someone else. There’s certain things i am unable to do for myself and i do not want to live in a facility having VA nursing staff and care providers helps me stay out of the hospital and on my own. So at least for now ill have help, it was very unprofessional to just quit and leave a disabled person to fend for themselves.


This is going to sound kind of silly, but is there any way you can create sort of an “intro booklet” for your snakes with photos, names, some cute facts, as a way of disarming new caregivers and letting them see your animals in a different light? I know for many, the fear is based a lot in uncertainty and misinformation. Adding cute decor, nametags, derpy photo IDs to their enclosures, maybe that will make the people who work for you more comfortable?


Oh gosh. :person_facepalming: I mean, I’m glad you’ll have the help you need, but it was pretty short-sighted and irresponsible for that caregiver to quit, leaving you dead in the water, and then come crawling back because she suddenly realised she still needed that income.


Isn’t this around the same time that you lost 1 of your new babies and for the second time? Perhaps it’s not all their fault? I’m sure if they weren’t thrilled w the idea of working in an environment w snakes then having them get loose… multiple times and at least according to your other post still not found(or not updated) isn’t going to leave them w a great sense of security to overcome those fears.


Actually she doesn’t know that she escaped. I still haven’t found her either. While you are correct that she escaped twice my caregiver was not aware of her escape.


This is…Not a good idea for several reasons. If you have caregivers coming and going and they bring anything in and out with them, it’s possible for an escaped animal to hitch a ride. Also, if your caregiver is not aware, what happens if they find it before you? Someone who already has a fear seeing a loose snake is going to be startled. They may react instinctively and try to harm it. They could also come across it and accidentally step on it as well, if they’re small enough. Or perhaps they could see it as an opportunity and take that animal, and you’d never know. I don’t mean to be dramatic, but when you have animals and you have people coming in and out of your home that work for you, you have to be cautious because you’re liable in the end.


I did inform her that my snake got loose and that id havey niece and her bf help me do a thorough search. Hopefully we find her. I think she is probably under the refrigerator because its dark and warm and very tight. Im going to my mommas this weekend and i was wanting to clean my refrigerator so ill probaby turn it off and build a heat trap that she can Hopefully choose instead. Im also going to check my closet because it is loaded with boxes and its always dark in my room.